The Way, The Truth, and The Smite

Talking Jesus Doll

2008-05-22T20:55:00.001-05:00

Was watching television. Thought this was a fake commercial (waiting for like, Geico, or someone to break in and interrupt) ... but it's not ...

buy yours here

Sunday School Music

2008-04-24T19:41:00.003-05:00

(to the tune of Frere Jaques)

Revelation
Revelation
Twenty-one eight
Twenty-one eight
Liars go to Hell
Liars go to Hell
Burn Burn Burn
Burn Burn Burn

(post submitted by Katherine ... whether she knew it or not)

The Amazing Jesus

2008-04-16T07:05:00.000-05:00

What He Meant to Say

2008-03-16T20:15:00.002-05:00

From the 100% correct, new "Greedy Mega-Church Translation":

Matthew 22: 35-37
One of them, an expert in the law, tested him with this question:

"Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?"

Jesus replied: "Make sure that enough is given to God's house that his people may build on. They must have funds to house not only a place of worship, but also a gymnasium, overnight sleeping quarters, showers, a snack bar, a giant kitchen, dining space for 200, a slurpee machine, a chest freezer, a giant parking lot, a dog kennel, a separate place to house kittens in need, four offices for secretaries, three libraries, a book store, a used book store, a fishing pond, an ice rink, a baseball diamond, escalators, elevators, a garage that can fit 8 15-passenger vans, a fallout shelter, tennis courts, a weight lifting room, an Olympic-sized swimming pool, a private house for out-of-town guest speakers, a tea room, several projection televisions, flat screen televisions, a private movie theater, a recording room, a practice room, a youth sanctuary, a young adult sanctuary, an elderly ministries sanctuary, a letter-writing to shut-ins room, a quilting room, and a multi-purpose room.

And the second commandment is similar. Ensure that enough money is given that all of these can be properly funded."

1000 Words

2008-03-14T11:49:00.000-05:00

To describe the problem of perception ...

A Relationship

2008-03-13T09:14:00.002-05:00

So, I hear a lot of people telling me that Christianity isn't a religion, it's a relationship.

So I decided to try to have a relationship with Jesus.

And then I found out he was cheating on me! He was starting relationships with anybody and everybody who wanted to!

What's up with that?

So, I decided to do it the old fashioned way and just have a religion. You know, supernatural beliefs, a couple of rituals, faith in the unseen. Talking to a God I can't see with my eyes. Reading archaic texts.

You know, religious stuff.

And I think it's working out a lot better.

Hand Motions in Heaven

2007-07-29T07:58:00.001-05:00

So ... for those of you who've noticed the abundance of hand motions in Christian music - this is for you.

Yes, it's a little long, but worth it.

Seriously, take a a look at it. I laughed. I cried. I felt closer to God.

Okay ... so I laughed. Parts I almost laughed until I cried.

But it didn't honestly do anything for my "walk" ...

Enjoy.

Coming Summer 2008

2007-07-28T23:31:00.000-05:00

John Lobo is usually an ordinary man.

But on rare occasion, he changes.

When Good Friday coincides with Friday the 13th, and there's a full moon out, he transforms into a WereJesus. Half-man, Half-Jesus, all bearded, and ready to kick some butt.

This year, Good Friday is going to be bad.

How the Gamliel principle ended ...

2007-07-18T09:39:00.000-05:00

So Tyler and I got an email today ... below it is quoted.

(Disclaimer: Story actually told by Rrevor to Tyan, names changed to protect the not so innocent)

So, Gamaliel, what do you thi--

Oh, CRAP! He's dead!

Sweet! Let's go kill some Christians!

Rrevor told me to not tell you he said this...and you shouldn't quote
him, but he's mostly chick, so no means yes!

-tc

Word of the Day

2007-07-10T20:17:00.000-05:00

eunuch

[yoo-n uh k]

noun

- A man who has no choice but to allow his participle to dangle.

- Living proof that it doesn't take balls to follow Jesus.

The Real Story of the Theif

2007-07-01T21:15:00.001-05:00

And, as Jesus was being executed, giving his life away for the redemption of man, two other men, both criminals, were being executed alongside Jesus.

One of the criminals spewed insults at Jesus and mocked him. He told him to save himself, and them, in a showing of his power.

The other criminal, a thief, took a different approach. He rebuked the other criminal and looked at Jesus, his heart genuine and his motive pure. He asked Jesus a simple question.

"Jesus, will you remember me when you come into your kingdom?"

And Jesus, with all the energy and passion he could muster, did answer in the following manner:

"Hell yeah!" (in a very rednecky-voice)

A Priest and a Rabbi

2007-06-25T09:04:00.000-05:00

An Irish priest and a Rabbi found themselves sharing a compartment on a train. After a while, the priest opened a conversation by saying "I know that, in your religion, you're not supposed to eat pork...Have you actually ever tasted it?
The Rabbi said, "I must tell the truth. Yes, I have, on the odd occasion."

Then the Rabbi had his turn of interrogation. He asked, "Your religion, too...I know you're supposed to be celibate. But...." The priest replied, "Yes, I know what you're going to ask. I have succumbed once or twice."

There was silence for a while. Then the Rabbi peeped around the newspaper he was reading and said, "Better than pork, isn't it?"

Jesus Wins, Fatality

2007-06-13T20:29:00.000-05:00

Ever wish you could break out a cross and bash someone over the head with it?

Or wish you could use your finding favor in God's sight to teleport behind someone and kick the crap out of them?

What about throw (literally) the Ten Commandments at someone? Call a stampede featuring two of all animals to run over someone? Call on your man to appear from the mud and uppercut someone? Use the "Dove of Brutality" to get your point across?

Now ... you can ...

Click Here to Make your above listed dreams come true!

Some random questions

2007-06-05T15:10:00.000-05:00

A couple of questions inspired from a trip last weekend ...

At a Mormon wedding, when they do the garter toss, do only unmarried men come up, or do all the men come up?

If Christ is the answer, is the question "What do you say after 'Jesus' when yelling at something/someone stupid?"

Since the prophesies Jesus fulfilled he also inspired to be written, doesn't that make them self-fulling prophecies? Isn't it kind of like betting the director of a movie how it ends?

Forget about being prepared ...

2007-05-30T16:29:00.000-05:00

Jesus is coming! Look busy!

(That'll be good enough ... right? ...)

The Real Story of Moses Part 1

2007-05-29T09:42:00.000-05:00

And so God had commanded Moses to go into Egypt and free His people. But doubt remained in Moses' mind. And so he asked a question.

"How will they know you have sent me?"

And God responded thusly:

"With my right hand I have created for you my chosen vessel, a gas-guzzling SUV. And with my left hand, I have created a fish decal to go on the back of your car. This is how they will know that I have sent you. By the fish on your car."

The Doxology

2007-05-27T21:40:00.001-05:00

For those of you who don't know what I'm talking about - it's the song that goes ...

Praise God from whom all blessings flow.
Praise Him all creatures here below.
Oh praise Him! Oh praise Him!
Praise God the source of all our gifts.
Praise Jesus Christ whose power uplifts.
Praise the Spirit, Holy Spirit.
Alleluia! Alleluia! Alleluia!

And the question: How does God sing The Doxology? Perhaps something like this ...

Praise Me from Whom all blessings flow.
Praise Me all creatures there below.
Oh praise Me! Oh praise Me!
Praise Me the source of all your gifts.
Praise Me whose power uplifts.
Praise the Spirit, My Spirit.
Alleluia! Alleluia! Alleluia!

Does He walk around humming it under His breath all day? It is a pretty catchy tune after all ...